I've just had a MAJOR major mental breakthrough. I've been wrestling with so many doubts and questions concerning my music and faith for the past few years that it came to a point that I had to really take time off from performing to deal with it. I just couldn't believe in what I was doing as a performer and my mental state before concerts had become really unbearable. There were too many demons to fight and I felt as if I was losing the battle.

Now,at last, I've found the big answer and it's truly truly exciting. It's taken me a few months but I know exactly what I'm supposed to do now. It turned out that the question itself was the wrong question and the answer was amazingly simple. It just got buried amongst the demons I managed to pick up along the way in the past few years .

I feel totally free now and am so looking forward to what lies ahead.

Just had a rehearsal in one of the big halls in Kamakura for the concert on the 11th. It's been a while since I've played in such a big venue but surprisingly I really enjoyed it. I had played in this hall when I was younger and remember practicing at home with the hall in mind. I think I went a bit overboard in the performance and remember my sound becoming forced and harsh in some places which was unnecessary.

This time I felt more relaxed about the space and felt that I could adjust to it more naturally. I hope that'll be the case on the day.

I remember in one of our piano duet lessons at the Academy when playing really soft our teacher saying "It doesn't matter how soft you play. You MAKE them listen."
What great advice!

I think you can interpret this even in the opposite way that no matter how loud you play,if it's not convincing no one will LISTEN!

Wishing the world a peaceful and happy year!