It's interesting how one forgets about greatness.You would think that if you were so impressed by something that it would be imprinted in your mind. I'm often amazed how surprised I can be when I hear recordings by the greats that I've heard so many times - Horowitz,Heifetz,Kogan,Casals, - and still can be blown away all over again!

My professor from college,F,gave a concert here in Kamakura last night. He's been coming to Kamakura to give master classes for nearly 20 years now,so the organizers of the concert and many of the people in the audience were people I knew. It seemed like a culmination of those twenty years.

The concert was a mixture of piano solo and ensemble pieces with really top quality players. I realized though that it had been nearly 10 years since I last heard F perform.

Even in rehearsal I had suddenly realized that I had forgotten his greatness. The sound that he manages to pull out from the piano was breath-takingly beautiful. I remembered why I became obsessed in trying to acquire such a warm and deep sound and I can once again understand why I continued to learn with him for the whole 4 years at the Academy.

Now that I'm older though, I realize that his sound is something that is not within me. It is totally foreign to me and therefore that is why I think I am so touched by it. I realize now that it is something to be appreciated and,for me, it is not something to try to imitate or aquire.

So,although when going to the piano this morning to practise and being disappointed by the poor quality of sound, I can now live with it and say,"It's OK.Just do what you have to do.",and am confident that I am on a path of my own (and also the right path) now. At least now I know that I have to keep searching for my own truth which must be somewhere within me.